Unrelated, although kind of related, since having certain weekdays off means I am able to go to all-you-can-eat sushi lunches with Zac. Yum. We’ve been fasting since last night to enjoy the deliciousness that is vegetarian sushi. My stomach is begging for food, but I am attempting to restrain myself by writing in here – since I never update unless it’s absolutely necessary.

In an attempt to better myself as a Canadian, I am going back to school in January to learn French. Mind you, I took French for 9 years and can barely put together a sentence, so I am not sure what I am expecting from a four month course; I suppose time will tell.

October 30, 2009: the day I quit my first “real person” job
Anyway, about the job situation. Well, as you know, I was never that fond of my job and starting last Tuesdayish (like over a week ago) I started getting a migraine due to work (not allowed breaks, staring at the computer for 8 hours straight, the 1.5 hour bus ride there and back). I thought nothing of it until this past Monday until it was unbearable and Zac came and picked me up from work as soon as I got there. I went to the doctor who gave me a prescription for T3s for the pain and a migraine medication too. Well neither really did much, the migraine was so bad that I was nausea, light headed, dizzy and was having trouble seeing, but I ended up working Tuesday and Wednesday somehow. Thursday I got to work and was immediately in tears it was so bad – my boss said NOTHING to me and I was sobbing in the corner texting Zac begging him to come and pick me up. He finally did and I came home and went to bed. I finally realized enough was enough that this job was causing physical stress on my body and I came to the conclusion that I had to quit – immediately. I told Zac (who immediately got mad, said I was acting like a princess, that I was spoiled and wouldn’t be able to get another job since the economy still sucks) I called my Mum and talked to her and she told me that quitting was probably for the best – the job was making me even more depressed. I would get to work at 8am – my boss would show up at 9am, say nothing until I said “good morning” to which he said good morning, then he would put his headphones on and remain like that, silent until I left at 4pm when I would say “see you tomorrow” to which he would say “see ya”. Even if he had a task for me to do, he would email me instead of asking me – he was sitting less than a foot away from me! It was making me so lonely!!! So this morning I got up and emailed him, telling him I still felt ill and that my health was more important and that right now I was focused on feeling better, so I felt that I needed to resign, plus I said that I felt like I was unable to work to my full potential due to the headahces and that I was hired under the assumption that I would put all of myself into my job and since I was unable to do that it was unfair to him and the company. He emailed me back, but I have yet to open it because I am too scared! But I do feel like I did the right thing, I already have no headache, which leads me to conclude that my job was causing it.

Yesterday morning I applied for a job with a law firm downtown who want to hire a marketing implementer – not thinking I was qualified I applied anyway – and they called me last night; they wanted to set up a telephone interview today. I had it at 2pm and the guy loved me (conceited much? haha) but I think he did – he told me even though I didn’t have much experience, he and his partner would love to meet me in person, so I have an interview at 10am on Monday, which I am very excited for! It only takes one bus to get there and is less than 30 minutes, plus it is heavily focused on book marketing since they want to built their platform around their books they have written, so I am very hopeful and excited; I would really like thisjob I think, especially compared to Bloomex. I have applied to a lot of places, but I would be very happy with this, after talking to the guy on the phone I just got a really good feeling about it.

November 12, 2009: the day I quit my second “real person” job (see a pattern?)
Well, I ended up getting that job with the law firm – great, right? Wrong. I went in on Monday, extremely nervous, and went about my business as usual. Typical first day stuff, except I had to write some blogs too. I finished two, but didn’t send them to Brenda (one of the two lawyers who was going to review them before I could post them) because I was unaware that they needed to be sent that day; I wanted a chance to edit them some more Tuesday morning before emailing her.

Tuesday I go in and I have an angry email from her asking where my blogs are, so I send them right away. She comes in at 10am and I tell her I have emailed them to her. She goes to read them and then starts yelling (literally) to never quote the Insurance Bureau of Canada because that is like God quoting Satan (how was I to know this, I have no law background and she knows this!). So I re-edit them and continue my work for the day – writing more blogs, learning new software, etc. It was pretty tolerable because she was in court all day so I didn’t need to deal with her anymore until 5pm when she comes back to the office to ask me to order cookies for a client to be delivered to Carleton Place (aka the boonies) and to make her a hair appointment for 9am the next morning “at a good salon”. Okay, when did I sign up to be her personal assistant? Anyway, I stayed until 6:30pm doing that – do you know how impossible it is to send cookies for under $40? It’s impossible! I ended up sending a candy bouquet instead and it cost $46 with delivery – oops! Also, during the day on Tuesday I sent her a long email with all these questions surrounding things I was unclear about, along with two other blogs (I was originally told that I needed to write at least 1 blog a day, so I thought writing 2 was good?).

Tuesday night when I got home I had a major freak out/panic attack. I was on the phone with my Mum for an hour hyperventailing, crying, the works about this job. I was so stressed because I had no direction and I was just yelled at instead of being provided any direction. My Mum finally calmed me down.

Wednesday morning I woke up at 6:30 having another panic attack. I called my Mum again freaking out, saying I couldn’t do it, etc, and she tried to calm me down. After three phone calls between 6:30am and 8:00am I finally left for work. I got there and immediately had 5-6 emails from Brenda. The one where I had asked all the questions had been answered, and it was not kind to say the least. Basically she flat out said “You are an embarrassment to the firm” – for real. I had sent her one blog that had a typo (a legitimate mistake that I didn’t catch) and she lost her shit on me, telling me to never send her blogs with typos, that she wasn’t my proofreader, that is was my job. Lots of exclamation points were used. With each “edited” blog I opened her “constructive criticism” was words like “huh?”, “awkward”, and “this doesn’t make sense”. She would also write at the end of sentences that “there must be a word missing because this makes no sense” so I would re-read the sentence 5-6 times and it made perfect sense the way it was written. And all the questions I had asked in that email weren’t even answered. I was so upset at this point that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to handle it. I mean, she hates my writing style (she said it), but yet I had to provide two sample blogs when I was applying, so clearly she knew how I wrote?! and then she also said I had optimized the blogs for page ranking with Google, something that was clearly visible by the embedded links within each article. Anyway at 9:30 yesterday morning I just walked out. Only the receptionist was there so there was no one to tell – I came home and emailed her and Richard telling them basically the job wasn’t for me, but that wasn’t before another panic attack on the phone with my mother where I begged her to let me come home for a bit (to which she told me I am always welcome to come home, to book a flight and her and my dad will pay). After I finally got myself calmed down I got verbally attacked by Zac – screaming at me that I was lazy and had no self-respect, that I didn’t want to work, that I was pathetic, etc. When I told him I wanted to go home for a bit, it only enraged him more – he asked if I wanted to break up, which isn’t the case, I just need something different right now, but after much argument we finally got ourselves straightened out – although I know he is still pissed about the job thing (whatevs, my life).

So now I am not going to go home (plus I checked this morning and flights went up to $468 one way so it’s not even affordable; they were $160 yesterday). And I had bought a new computer for this job (a beautifulllll white sony) since I needed to provide my own computer, but I went and returned it last night. SO SAD!

November 17, 2009:
Today I had an interview at Zellers. Yeah, I know. I have been applying to really shitty jobs to get Zac off my back. However, the plan kind of back fired on me last night. Yesterday we were getting along great. Monday nights we watch House, Intervention and Hoarders together and then crawl into bed. It’s always a lovely evening, and last night was no different until like 11:30ish when he starts asking me my goals in life and saying that we need goals together, etc., and this is when I knew where things were going to rapidly go downhill. He started yelling at me again about my job situation and just everything we’d already been over. I had been holding something back from him that I really didn’t want him to know (and I am embarrassed to tell you too). So finally I just broke down I was crying and told him why I didn’t want a “real” job anymore. Last week after that lady told me I was embarrassment to the law firm, it was kind of just the icing on the cake. Like all I have ever really felt like I was good at was writing, so to be told I suck at it bothered me. (I know my writing is shit in messages and whatnot, but when I have to actually write something I work really hard at it). Anyway, I haven’t been happy in so long and that just kind of confirmed that I was absolutely worthless, so when I called my mum and was super upset I blurted out that I had been contemplating killing myself anyway. I didn’t even know it was going to come out to her (the last person I wanted to tell!!!!), it kind of just fell out among cries. So I finally said this to him last night and that that was the reason I wanted to go home for a bit, etc. Maybe he kind of understood? I don’t know, he stopped yelling mainly after that. This morning I got up and applied for some “real” jobs – one of a junior editor and the other is a fundraising/financial coordinator for Big Brothers, Big Sisters Ottawa. Plus I registered to take French classes starting in January for a semester at Algonquin. This seems to have pleased him so far. Plus I got a call from Bank of America today, they want to set up an interview with me too, and when I told him that he said he had wanted a job there for a long time because you get 5 weeks paid vacation, plus all health benefits right at entry level, which is what I applied for. So long story short, the job process is still ongoing. I know I am not going to get the job at Zellers (thank God!) because I am not available on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Oh well!